Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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