Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it because I queefed?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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