dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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