I'm gonna have a badass scar
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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