Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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