So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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