Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize