On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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