I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No subtext here. People are naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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