It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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