Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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