I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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