smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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