i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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