my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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