Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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