the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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