My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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