I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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