Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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