Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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