This is not my ceiling
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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