u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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