I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize