he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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