I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize