Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize