:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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