I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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