Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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