Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize