I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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