i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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