So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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