i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize