i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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