I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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