so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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