the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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