I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize