I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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