I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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