She is in my trunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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