I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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