The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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