the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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