i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize