Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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