I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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