Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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